The Cat in the Hat
Opens March 11
Cast: Mike Myers, Spencer Breslin,
Dakota Fanning
Director: Bo Welch
Yikes!
By Ronald Wan · UrbanWire
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story · printer friendly version
Vile, vulgar and trite,
this movie's simply no fight.
For its source of a bestselling book,
Welch needn't stoop this low to hook
the viewers, with characters crass,
More gross silly humour? I'll pass.
It's about this crazy cat,
with attitude and a funky hat.
This feline makes friends with 2 children,
Dear Sally and Conrad Walden.
He messes up their pretty house,
and not even because of a mouse.
He messes with their minds as well,
with play that is filthy as hell.
He teaches them sexual puns,
and how to have uncouth fun.
I'll betcha their mother regrets
not removing this unwelcome pet.
And oh how the movie just stinks,
because it's so hard on us chinks.
Their racist idea of fun
is a babysitter Mrs Kwan.
She's fat, lazy and has purple hair
To tar a whole race's so unfair!
The cat is played by Mike Myers,
and the man I'm afraid has no layers.
He's certainly dazzled before
As Shrek, Austin
Powers, maybe more,
But he doesn't bring in any laughs,
because this movie is a real farce!
The movie is really, really bad,
And fans should really be mad.
If the late Dr Seuss saw it,
He'd more than turn on it,
He'd literally turn in his grave
Oh Myers, why can't you behave?
 Rating:
1.5 out of 5 stars
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