I sinned, big time. I begged, stole, lied, cheated
and killed in order to get hold of media passes for my
colleague and myself to the MTV
Asia Awards (MAA). I even ran outside the Istana…in pink
F4 boxers.
She came, she took her award and she disappeared. If only her
albums sell that fast.
Fine, I didn't do any of those but securing the
MAA passes was painful. Firstly, they told me I was going. A week
later, MTV sent an email informing me that I couldn't attend "due
to space constraint". What? Space constraint? Did I become
The Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters
overnight? I weighed a trim 55kg last I checked.
Take me home anytime Michelle.
I was at my wit's end so, I prayed (not to lose
weight because I'm not that shallow)…
Dear God, I love you a lot. Really! I love you
so much that I want to say Happy Valentine's Day to you. You know,
we celebrate V-Day here on earth? Yeah, it's on Feb 14, which is
days away. And there's this really cool event on Feb 14. Michelle
Branch will be there. Stacie Orrico will be there. Even Parn-Thanaporn
(whoever he is) will be there. So you see, I want to be there to
spread some love to them, erm, in a legitimate way. Last I heard,
your favourite Singaporean pastor might be there too. I promise
if you let me go to the MAA, I'll put more coins into the church
donation box and I'll stop falling asleep during the sermon. Please?
I'll also stop fantasising about Michelle in a hot tub slowly taking
off her…okay, Amen.
2 days before MAA, they emailed me again. We're
going! Suddenly, they had more spaces in their pressroom (maybe
the other reporters went on the Atkins
diet). Or God answered my prayer because he knew I had to answer
my calling - to spread love to Michelle. And so, my 7-hour adventure
began, with lots of celebrity-gazing, navel-gazing, chest-gazing
and other less than holy gazing at the MAA red carpet and pressroom…in
my pink F4 boxers.
Arrived at the Singapore
Indoor Stadium, where thousands of fans were already queuing.
Someone passed me a cute heart-shaped card. I almost autographed
it. It's the press pass.
4:10pm
Walked to the press room and
there're dozens of reporters in their 20s and 30s collectively
staring at me - the teenage reporter who looked younger and
more gorgeous than them, combined.
4:45pm
An MTV spokesperson asked the
reporters (about 30 of us, including regional media) if we would
like to attend the red carpet. Erm, duh?
4:53pm
MTV
VJ Utt
(right) pranced around at the red carpet in shades and a red
floral shirt, obvious to the girlish screams.
5:03pm
Someone tell them SpongeBob
SquarePants is no singer! There're fans who actually
prepared SpongeBob placards! I almost fainted.
5:05pm
Finally, a real star appeared.
Scottish singer Derek McDonald, in an oversized white
shirt, flashed his cheeky grin.
5:12pm
Australian
Idol Guy
Sebastian (left) arrived in a pinstripe suit, purple
tee underneath and a cool Afro. The Aussies really have good
fashion sense.
5:17pm
Spotted local sweethearts Sheikh
Haikel and wife Anna Belle Francis. MediaCorp's Light
YearsRandall Tan arrived in sneakers. Randall,
you walk at the red carpet, there's no need to run or jog.
5:18pm
The fans were still screaming
for Utt.
5:22pm
Asia's
Britney Spears, BoA,
(right) wowed in her all white getup and braided hair. The Korean
and Japanese male photographers near me couldn't stop yelling.
5:30pm
Thai
sensation Tata Young
(below) dazzled in a familiar pink dress. Did she borrow that
from Jacelyn Tay at the Star Awards?
5:35pm
Vanessa Fernandez, the
singer the local hip-hop band Urban
Xchange seemed to be only one working the crowd in her
red track suit.
5:40pm
Canadian
punk-rock band Simple
Plan (right) arrived in street wear. They must have
done their last-minute shopping at The Heeren.
5:41pm
Irene Ang appeared, sans
Rosie's floral dress (Utt wore it, remember?). A fan yelled,
"Rosie! Where's Chu Kang?" Irene replied, "Repair
toilet."
5:50pm
Brit
pop group Liberty
X (right) looked so glamorous in suits and V-shaped
gowns! This is what celebrities should wear, not sneakers
or jeans.
5:51pm
Perfect
10 deejays walked the carpet too. Daniel Ong gave
a quick peck on girlfriend Jean Danker. Publicity stunt
or what?
5:58pm
Taiwanese
boy band 5566
(left) arrived to teenage girlish screams and tears. I spotted
a boy in the crowd screaming too. I pray he grows up normal,
if you know what I mean.
6:01pm
All
rise for Blue
(left), Britain's latest boy band import. They came with blue
roses but they threw them into the crowd. No wonder they
say Brit men are hooligans.
6:05pm
Local songbirds Stefanie
Sun and Tanya
Chua arrived hand-in-hand. I felt so proud I almost
belted our national anthem, "Majulah Singapura".
6:10pm
Another
round of screams for F4's Vaness
Wu and friends from Machi
(right). Malaysian hip-hop band Too
Phat arrived too. Yawns. Where's my Michelle
Branch?
6:15pm
The
other Michelle - Michelle
Yeoh (right) - appeared in yellow halter top and jeans.
We forgive the drab jeans, because even in her 40s, she still
sparkles.
6:18pm
All-girl
band Sugababes
(right)! And they're darn good in multi-tasking, fielding questions
to the media while waving to the fans!
6:20pm
Gareth
Gates (left) in a 3-button black jacket charms the crowd
with his boyish grin and daft look.
6:22pm
Host
of the night Michelle
Branch (left) swaggers to the red carpet in a Jennifer
Lopez-like V-shaped pink dress, revealing her rather flabby
stomach. It might be a sore sight, but I still had to restrain
myself.
6:25pm
Stacie
Orrico (left) came in a sexy lace black dress, which
reminded me of the kind of stuff women wear to bed. I wonder
who gets to see what she wears to bed?
6:30pm
The limousine stopped and Lena
from t.A.T.u.
refused to get out. And when she did, she walked right past
everyone at the red carpet and hardly cast a glance. Whatever.
As if the crowd recognised her. Half of them didn't.
6:40pm
Save
the best for the last. When Black
Eyed Peas (left) touched down, the fans erupted into
chants and screams. I screamed too, mainly because Fergie (right),
the
only female in the group, draped a thin white cloth over her
tanned body. And under the bright camera flashes, it revealed
what's underneath her white sheet very clearly. I can
feel the love already.
6:50pm
Oh dear, the fans were still
screaming for Utt. [^top]
Backstage Action
The pressroom backstage was where my colossal
mistake all began and where it my credibility all ended. Before
I highlight a few events that happened backstage and go into details
on my mistake, I must blame my folly on the free food and spending
4 hours in the pressroom without coffee to keep me awake. Plus,
my mind was distracted with naughty thoughts of Michelle Branch
and Stacie Orrico in her lace black dress. And then, there were
the pink F4 boxers (Editor: Quit stalling, Ronald)...
1) Guy Sebastian (top) gave an impromptu
performance, crooning his new single 'Angels Brought Me Here'.
2) Taiwanese boy band 5566 repeated their speech in halting
English. Nominees sounded like non-mee-nis.
3) The reporter next to me farted. Must be the curry puffs.
4) When asked why her boyfriend wasn't at the event, Stefanie
Sun (top) replied, "Cos' he doesn't have tickets!"
MTV, you guys are evil.
5) Nobody asked Simple Plan any relevant questions except
about the weather and where they are from (from an audacious and
ignorant reporter, no, not me.)
6) Some Malaysian reporters hollered when the sound was turned off
on the projector for the Siti Nurhalizah and Gareth Gates
duet as an artiste spoke to the media. Manners, please!
7) I thought the real and sexy Fergie (top) was called apl.de.ap,
so I asked "apl.de.ap", "What do you think of Singaporean
guys?" The real apl.de.ap (who's a guy, of course) gamely replied
effeminately, "I'm all for the girls." The whole room
laughed and salvaging whatever pride left and realising the mistaken
identity, I posed the question to Fergie now and screamed animatedly
at the real apl.de.ap (several times) that the question wasn't meant
for him. By then, there was a hole ready to swallow me for the night.
[^top]
Pictures courtesty of MTV Networks Asia.
Copyright 2002-2004 "The
UrbanWire.com" Ngee Ann Polytechnic Singapore
MTV
VJ 
Australian
Idol 
Asia's
Britney Spears, 
Thai
sensation 
Canadian
punk-rock band 
Brit
pop group 
Taiwanese
boy band 
All
rise for 
Another
round of screams for F4's 
The
other Michelle - 
All-girl
band 
Host
of the night 
Save
the best for the last. When 
the
only female in the group, draped a thin white cloth over her
tanned body. And under the bright camera flashes, it revealed
what's underneath her white sheet very clearly. I can
feel the love already.
